Listen to this story:
In this conversation with Raj Vijayakumar, SJ, we enter a vocational journey that is both clear-eyed and deeply lived, where the intelligence of the heart meets discernment.
From his deep attachment to Saint Joseph’s Oratory to his gradual discovery of spiritual accompaniment as a “sacred” space, Raj shares with simplicity what sustains his Jesuit life today. He speaks candidly about his fears, the importance of not confusing emotions with reality, and the ways God works through the more fragile parts of his path.
A conversation that is both grounded and spiritual, reminding us that vocation is often discovered in small interior shifts and in a daily fidelity to prayer.
What book has had the most influence on your spiritual journey?
Apart from the Spiritual Exercises and the Bible, I’d have to say that the book “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David Burns was a turning point. I read the book while on retreat, and God used it to show me some of the “cognitive distortions” that were hindering me in my vocational path. Sometimes I can lean too heavily on my emotions and forget that reality is not the same thing, i.e., feeling bad does not mean life is bad. As I read the book, many little lights turned on in my head. What’s more, Dr. Burns is hilarious.
What is your favourite movie?
“About Time” written by Richard Curtis and starring Rachel McAdams and Domhnall Gleeson. The movie tells the story of a young man who learns on his 18th birthday that he can go back in time and correct all the little mistakes he made along the way. However, eventually he comes to see the value in “not changing a thing” and learning to appreciate the value of each moment of each day. The film is a hidden gem in my humble opinion.
What’s a surprising hobby or talent you have?
I wouldn’t say it’s a talent, but I do enjoy committing pieces of literature, poetry and Scripture to memory. Dylan Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night” and “If” by Rudyard Kipling are favourites. However, I also have the bad habit of completely blanking out when someone asks me to recite something.
Where is the most inspiring place you’ve prayed?
Where is the most inspiring place you’ve prayed? The Oratory of St. Joseph is my favourite church on earth and a place of many deep prayers for me. I have the childhood memory of going to church when I was about 5 years old and feeling the warmth and seeing the smoke of the religious candles. Over the years, the penitential steps, the grandiose basilica, the modern art and the crypt of St. Joseph have profoundly impacted me.
What part of Jesuit life has brought you the most unexpected joy?
Spiritual direction. At first, I found it tedious simply listening to a person for the better part of an hour. However, listening to a person deeply and discerning the call of the Spirit in the person’s life has brought me and others some consolation. I have the deep impression that when someone shares prayers, I am really walking on sacred ground.
If you could share one piece of advice with someone discerning their vocation, what would it be?
Say a daily prayer for God to show you clearly his vocation for you.
What was your biggest fear before entering the Jesuits, and how did you overcome it?
Overcome is a strong word. I don’t know if I’ve overcome any of the fears that haunted me when I was trying to enter. Although, I would say when I finally entered the novitiate, the fears did not become as loud.
Some examples of the fears then were a fear of wasting my life, choosing the wrong path or not being happy. However, during the time in the Society I have felt God helping me to work through these challenges. I think it was Dr. Strange who said, “Growth isn’t about eliminating every flaw or fear, but about learning to act from a higher place despite them.” However, God still does little miracles from time to time.
Which Jesuit value resonates most with you in today’s world?
The notion of pietas et eruditio. The idea (as I understand it) is that education and learning are all at the service of piety or devotion. That is, education and learning are not ends in themselves but are meant to help us bring greater praise, reverence and service to the world and to the people of God. Hence, devotion becomes the value toward which all our education is aimed.
What’s your go-to prayer or spiritual practice when you’re feeling stuck?
Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me.
How has community life as a Jesuit shaped your understanding of friendship?
There is an immense richness to community life. I find that if I’m able to be free of ego and enjoy the company of those around me, I can be formed and informed about life in general. I live with former provincials, computer programmers (one of whom designed Skyrim), astrophysicists, musicians and scholars, all of whom help me to understand life and faith better.
In terms of friendship, there are a few guys who are and, I think, will remain lifelong friends. I’m certain that I wouldn’t have had these relations if not for the Society of Jesus.
